Dolphins Sabotaged Travis Barker!

I knew it.  It was only a matter of time before they struck again...  Apparently last night, some dolphin terrorists sabotaged the Lear Jet (I fly Gulfstream, myself) that was set to take former Blink-176 accordionist Travis Barker and iPod press-player DJ AM from SC to CA.  The plane skid across the runway, through a fence, across a road, stopped at a Wendy's drive-in then hit an embankment.  Columbia, SC authorities said that they had seen "long trails of water, discarded crab carcasses and a Flipper DVD" in the hangar that had stored the plane.

My take on it:  Jealous of the success of 1999's "Enema of the State" and the fact that Nicole Richie's vagina is looser than a blowhole, dolphin terrorists spiked the JP-5 with sea water (and judging by the severity of the fire, I'd say they obtained the water from the Persian Gulf - I mean that's basically 94% kerosene anyway) and the engines flamed out, causing a catastrophic occurrence of "gravity + flammable liquid".

Oh - and for those of you tsk-tsking "this is in such bad taste", may I add perspective:

Two rich people flying in a multimillion dollar private greenhouse gas machine are burned.

40+ people died when a car bomb exploded outside the Islamabad Marriot.  40 working people who are not in possession of an aircraft that even leased runs roughly $1,000 per hour MORE than the GDP per Capita of Pakistan ($2,600).

So there.

Princess Di - Rich, killed extravagantly by Dolphins.

JFK Jr. - Rich, killed spectacularly by Dolphins.

Rainer Wolfcastle - Rich, fictional animated character.

If the dolphins keep killing rich people, I might have to change the name of this website.

Dolphin Paparazzi

Dolphins kill frequently and with criminal intent. Just ask Vincent D'Onofrio. He'd be out of a job were it not for dolphin committed murders. He's a great detective by the way. I can't believe they allow those documentary crews that follow him such unfettered access to what looks to be sensitive crime scenes. I mean, there was even one time that Private Pyle was undercover with some drug dealers and corrupt cops and still the cameras were following him. How that didn't bust up the investigation is beyond me.

Relevant to this tangent, I would like to address the problems posted by those dolphins employed in the entertainment photography industry. Dolphins killed Princess Diana. There. I said it. Not landmines, not alcohol related driving, not the sudden stop at the end. Dolphin paparazzi killed her and Mr. Harrod's. Drove her into the mid-tunnel barrier with their Moto-Guzzis or what not. Flash, pop, crash.