Dolphins Sabotaged Travis Barker!

I knew it.  It was only a matter of time before they struck again...  Apparently last night, some dolphin terrorists sabotaged the Lear Jet (I fly Gulfstream, myself) that was set to take former Blink-176 accordionist Travis Barker and iPod press-player DJ AM from SC to CA.  The plane skid across the runway, through a fence, across a road, stopped at a Wendy's drive-in then hit an embankment.  Columbia, SC authorities said that they had seen "long trails of water, discarded crab carcasses and a Flipper DVD" in the hangar that had stored the plane.

My take on it:  Jealous of the success of 1999's "Enema of the State" and the fact that Nicole Richie's vagina is looser than a blowhole, dolphin terrorists spiked the JP-5 with sea water (and judging by the severity of the fire, I'd say they obtained the water from the Persian Gulf - I mean that's basically 94% kerosene anyway) and the engines flamed out, causing a catastrophic occurrence of "gravity + flammable liquid".

Oh - and for those of you tsk-tsking "this is in such bad taste", may I add perspective:

Two rich people flying in a multimillion dollar private greenhouse gas machine are burned.

40+ people died when a car bomb exploded outside the Islamabad Marriot.  40 working people who are not in possession of an aircraft that even leased runs roughly $1,000 per hour MORE than the GDP per Capita of Pakistan ($2,600).

So there.

Princess Di - Rich, killed extravagantly by Dolphins.

JFK Jr. - Rich, killed spectacularly by Dolphins.

Rainer Wolfcastle - Rich, fictional animated character.

If the dolphins keep killing rich people, I might have to change the name of this website.