Dolphins Ruin the Stock Market.... Aaaaagain

777 points, the equivalent of $1.2 trillion was lost in the market today.  You see, I have a degree in advanced poly-economics of the inverse proportionality in fiduciary trading systems so I'm what Scientologists like to call smarter than the average frat boy who worked at Duke and then was a Junior Level Analyst at Lehman who lived at Normandie Court and banged assistants he took home on Thursday nights from the roof bar at Sutton Place who is now schadenfreudedly unemployed.  

Most people are blaming the government for not passing a $700 billion blank check to the failed banks.  What most people do not know is that the 95 Democrats and 133 Republicans who voted against the bailout are in fact cetaceans.  Lynn Westmoreland, Republican of Georgia is currently lost in an estuary trying to find his way back out to sea.  Steven Rothman, Democrat from New Jersey is frantically trying to remove a harpoon from his back in the Sea of Japan.  Virginia Brown-Waite of Florida is a Republican Representative currently residing in Starkist (60%), Chicken of the Sea (35%) and Bumble Bee Tuna (+/- 4%) cans after being caught in a North Atlantic net.   So no wonder it failed - half of the votes of "No" were cast by a cabal of anti-finance dolphins voting subversively in the stead of their deceased or otherwise incapacitated HoR colleagues.  

So if you are an unemployed trader and vowing vengeance against those that wronged you, don't go after the corrupt CEOs who raped both their employees and investors.  Don't go after the system of deregulated government that fostered a culture of unfettered greed.  Don't go after your own hubris for subscribing to an ultimately flawed education and employment in an unsound industry.  Instead, attack with extreme predjudice those ultimately against you and your idiotic life choices - the Dolphins.

So join up with a Greenlander Whaling Fleet and ship to sea.  You'll see the world, avenge your in not anyway personally fostered failure and make some good money.

I'll see you at sea, bitches.  

Go MBA!