KHAN!

OK - so I'm screaming "KHHHHAAAANNN!!!" a la Bill Shatner right now.  I have a new enemy.  No, not the FDIC - they're an old enemy.  More like a nemesis actually.  We've been playing a cat and mouse game for quite some time, my friends.

The new enemy - wait for it - another maritime mammal on the hit list: 

Some background - Roughly 5,000 years ago when Jesus and King David joined their power rings to create the earth, the creatures, the plants and Batman, they met with some unintended results.  First, they fucked up by making the dolphin and the whale.  The squid, though - they kick ass.  But then - they also made an evil cousin to the dolphin - the Sea Turtle.  

Yes, the dreaded Sea Turtle with it's fangs and claws and armored dorsal fin.  I didn't really fully comprehend the menace this mammal is to mankind and the fate of the world in general until I saw this Merril Streape movie in which she cries in the dark "Sea Turtles took my baby!"  For you see, manflesh is like chocolate to these bastards.  

Luckily we have two...no three... three fearsome weapons at our disposal:

1.  Like the British, we can forment increased dolphin vs. sea turtle violence - they naturally hate one another like the Lichens and the Vampires.  Let them fight and kill themselves out.

2.  Seaturtle.org allows you to satellite track your sponored sea turtle.  Well that means we have coordinates and I have a big red button that I can press.  When I press it it says "That Was Easy!" and I'm told by the acne crusted gentleman who sold it to me that everytime I press it a 155mm artillery shell is launched at a dolphin.  I acquired this miracle device for a song, I think - only $2,900.  Right?  Prrreetty sweet.

3.  Fanatical devotion to the Pope.