(to the Tune of "I'm The Real Shady"): Dear Mister Ship Captain's, Please Speed Up, Please Speed Up, Please Speed Up!

The government per usual is whining again. This time about whales. First, they took our sonar, and we said nothing. Then they took our depth charges, and we said nothing. Now they're taking - get this - ship speed limits in the middle of the fucking ocean. "Full Speed Ahead, Murphy" "Um... Sir, we're in the middle of the Pacific, roughly 2,000 nautical miles from the nearest land and 1,000 nautical miles from the nearest ship. Don't you think you're going a little fast?" "Um, why for you say that, Murphy?" "Um... the whales, sir?"

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. How the Hell am I gonna get my PS3 if these fucking boats don't high tail it from Kyoto to the Port of Seattle? Read:

The government on Monday recommended a speed limit for commercial ships along the Atlantic coast, where collisions with the endangered right whale threaten its existence.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080826/ap_on_go_ot/endangered_whales

Apparently this is about the Atlantic Coast, but I don't care. If you're picky, replace BMW with PS3 and Kyoto with Hamburg. So these so-called "Right Whales" - or "Wrong Whales" as they should be called (Ohhhh SNAP! Y'alls got served for rillz, Whales! What's that? That wasn't funny? I guess it wasn't... i'm so so lonely) are getting their navigation systems all askew due to the dulcet tones of diesel turbines and underwater prop oscillations. Frankly nothing helps me go to sleep better than an idling diesel engine. I know. I live on the first floor. It's better than the vatos arguing though. Ju know, main?

At least someone's on my side:

[The initial ruling] was delayed in part because of objections from Vice President Dick Cheney's office and White House economists over the accuracy of the science linking ship speed to whale deaths.

Good ole Chenester... Always sticking up for the little guy. In this case the little guy is a couple of poor unfortunate souls - multinational billion dollar shipping concerns. I feel for them. Even though this particular story turns out badly in the end, there is a silver lining on every cloud:

"What we have seen over and over again where economics and partisanship and political interests bump up against the science, science loses," said Francesca Grifo, director of the Union of Concerned Scientist's Scientific Integrity Project.

Damn Skippy, Frances McDormand. That'll teach you to track down Steve Buscemi.

[Puts head in woodchipper then sings high mountain harmonies to Clooney.]