Count your blessings. Not only did the Hurricane Gustav not destroy your city but it "dampened" (pun) the efforts of the Republicans to have a party. Now you're probably asking yourself "why are you mocking, sir? By all accounts, Mr. Dolphin Hater, you seem pretty fucking Republican." Well, let's go through the checklist:
1. Upholds laws selectively only when not flagrantly breaking it? CHECK.
2. Blatant disregard for the environment? DUH.
3. Freaking LOVE FEST for the Military? HELL FUCKING YEAH MOTHERFUCKERS!
4. A secret family life including pregnancies, affairs (gay or straight), secret drug abuses? I HAVE TAKEN THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK TO YOU TO INFORM THE PUBLIC THAT I AM TAKING TIME FROM MY POST TO SPEND WITH MY FAMILY.
Crap - I just subconsciously gave the standard Republican resignation speech. I guess I am a Republican but in all honesty I thought I was more Republican like the NeoCons or Michigan Militias. I guess I was wrong. I guess I'm just a standard run of the mill white Republican. Crap. Wanna go to J. Crew then?
Back to the Home of Bush, Reggie Bush. Gustav didn't really do much except drizzle on N.O., thus squelching my intelligence reports of a massive levy-based dolphin semi-amphibious invasion. Actually it would just be a nautical invasion pending several million years of evolution to get legs (which won't happen because dolphins were made that way by God and there is no evolution) and probably a plot device involving a well meaning but embarassing college dad played by Eugene Levy.
Wow that was a long way to go to just work in an American Pie reference. Please don't let me write train of thought anymore unless we're all confident I'll end up with Naked Lunch... or at least Naked during Lunch with that chick a couple cubicles over. No - not that one. She'll sleep with anything. And I mean ANYTHING.
(I miss her.)
Yo quiero Taco Bell.
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1 comment:
Stop it.
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