New Data on Why Dolphins Are Retarded

I just learned an interesting statistic. If this doesn't illuminate the supreme level of dolphin suckery more than any other stat., I don't know what will: 89% of dolphins use Microsoft Internet Explorer rather than Firefox (or Safari if they're trendy dolphins). What the fuck? Seriously? So when a dolphin clicks "connect" on their 14.4 dial-up modem and connect via Prodigy, they boot up IE instead of the awesomeness that is Firefox? Seriously? (I know - I said that already - cut me some slack - I stayed up all night watching an entire season of 30 Rock on Hulu. Damn that show's funny).

Now that said, dolphins do have some computer skills that due to their general backwardness, have been lost to the general computing public. For instance they can still code in Basic. I remember having a Texas Instruments computer with freaking cartridges - my favorite game was Chisholm Trail - and I remember writing music and simple animations through Basic. It was fun, with all the "GoTo" and "Then" and "Pr0n". But resultant in their ignorance and general poverty, dolphins still utilize these ancient techniques.

I'd say we should start a fund for dolphins to start getting them the OLPC (One Laptop Per Child) thingy-bob, but that would ultimately allow dolphins more access to information like the Anarchist's Cookbook (another download of mine back when the internet was only pictures from Nasa, tiny resolution porn pictures and the Anarchist's Cookbook) thus allowing them a more terrible killing capability than which they are currently endowed - and remembering my mission statement, oh yeah - I WANT TO KILL DOLPHINS - this would make them harder targets.

Jean Claude Van Damme. Now that's a hard target. Or was that Steven Seagal? Or was it the deadliest game? Humans - i.e., Ice-T? Always check the barrel. Duh.




Do yourself a favor. Don't google "Ice T" because you get hundreds of photos that is the eye-bleachery of his "wife"...

The pain will not subside. Must... kill... the... queen...