The New Deal

So I'm a history buff, right? One could say I'm "buffing my history" right now. Let's just say the mouse is a tiny bit sticky. So is the keyboard. So is the monitor. So is your mom's face. Wow. That got out of hand quickly.

In any case, in my search of knowledge, I came across a little known proviso within FDR's New Deal: The Tennessee Valley Authority was not created to bring electricity to the rural South. Instead it's sole purpose was to weaponize dolphins. "Yeah," you're thinking, "but the war hadn't even started yet" to which I will say "weren't we? Weren't we?" We're constantly at war. That's what separates us from the animals, except of course the Field Marshal Dromedary. That's a fucked up beast in its own right. So the dams were all made as a playground for evil Nazi dolphins, hand trained by FDR himself who insisted that the bullshit fake healing powers of dolphins would cure his polio. Guess what, Frankie. It didn't. And your fuck up has killed the fine art of bass fishing for generations because the dolphins reproduced and ate all the fish in the reservoirs. I guess what I'm trying to say is FDR was a royal douche. And the dolphins that saved JFK when the PT109 was hit by the Japanese destoyer are directly responsible for all venereal disease because each and every disease, including that one that makes your dick look like cauliflour, are directly traced to JFK.

Fucking presidents. When will they learn?

Obama's a dolphin.