What the fucking hell is this? They're at it again. First they're causing economic and geopolitical instability. Next they're writing in major periodicals convincing us to remain sober. Now, the worst is upon us:
Dolphins are forming into maritime squadrons and practicing maneuvers. You know that whole US Military in the desert joint operations stuff where entire airwings and full armored brigades fly and drive around in Nevada blowing stuff up in what looks like a really fun time, like Burning Man sans hippies? Well the dolphins are up to it now. Except that's not cool. That's terrifying. Once they organize they can overpower our Ohio Class submarines, get the access codes and start nuking bitches. And they'll probably start with Orlando Florida since so many of their kin are impriso - entertaining there.
Actually, that wouldn't be a bad thing. Let's wait until after they nuke Orlando. The world would be a better (and thinner) place without that cesspool of humanity where middle (fat) class Americans go to gorge on force-fed pop culture and force fed cheese coated cheese dogs.
I bet the nuking of Orlando would smell like a giant barbecue... Fat sizzling on the pavement of Disney World. The little piggy children and Doris and Alex Caldwell of Omaha, Nebraska boiling in the artificial lagoons of Universal Studios Theme Park. The screams of terror from Peter "Big Dog" Marks and his wife LuAnne as little Peter "Lil' Dog" and LuAnne Jr., "Poopy Pants" are incinerated by a 20 kiloton MIRV.
Yeah - wait until the dolphins take the Ohio Classes and nuke Orlando THEN retaliate.
So watch the video and follow my sentiments of NOT FUCKING COOL, DUDE. Really - this is in newspeak what is usually called doubleplusungood.
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3 comments:
Um, there's no way to post a comment for your title picture at the top, but I just wanted to tell you that sharks are not mammals. They're fish.
But I do agree with you about dolphins. Dolphins are evil. They do not live in a utopia, like many people seem to want to believe. Dolphins are rapists.
Dear Resident Evil:
Sharks are mammals. They bear their young live. End of story. Also, thank you for your sympathy: Dolphins raped my mother in the vagina. I'm happy that you agree with me on this. Genevieve, where have you been my whole life?
Dolphy Hatey.
This is terrifying. I hate fat American tourists as much as the next guy, but I can't bear the thought of sacrificing these pawns to the evil dolphin war machine while we still need their consumerism to power us out of the economic duldrum. I say we strike pre-emptively!
- panos
Eat tuna!
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