For all those who relish the rapture, I've got great news for you: Due to the actions of certain New Zealanders, the apocalypse may very well be upon us. For any of these fools to think that swimming with a playful dolphin on holiday is a great idea, you're doing it wrong. It's a horrible idea. It is fraught with peril and dangerous. That and it will unleash the full powers of the four horsemen - Rape, Vegemite, Pestilence and Non-Alcoholic Beer. Swimming with a dolphin is the same as eating at Red Lobster. It looks like a good idea on TV but the experience is so much worse, you'll end up sick and probably violated anally.
So if this dolphin sharing behavior continues, the antichrist will reveal themselves to the world and commence judgement. Just your luck though, I happen to have the inside scoop on this. I know the identity of the antichrist: Tilda Swinton.
This kinda makes sense, doesn't it? She's fairly terrifying looking, is a ginger kid and has acted in some terrible movies. That sounds sorta antichristy behavior to me, doesn't it?
Alright. Back to making love to my sweet new fiance, Heidi Montag and her fake cans, face, eyes, calves, hair, cheekbones, chin, toenails, labia, earlobes and duodenum.
Oh crap - I'm fucking a robot.
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