Susan Cheever is Commie Pinko Dolphin Rat

One of the top articles emailed in the Paper of Record, err... the Grey Lady.... er, the leftist radical tax and spend democratic New York Times was by Susan Cheever.  This article is so full of crap and lies and mistruths and the basic elimination of fun that I did some "fact finding" (read: warrantless wiretaps) on Susan Cheever.  Welly well well well... much to my chagrin and not to my surprise, a shocking truth emerged.  I guess you'll just have to read the transcript:

NYT Editor: Listen, Susan, I really need you to undermine the power of the Federal Government.  We only have a month until our overlord is installed and all the minorities get millions of dollars from 300% tax increases on corporations.  But every second a patriot like George Bush is in office is a second we must use to be subversive.  I want you to call our friends in Communist China and Cuba to see if they can send some operatives.  By the way, great job slandering all the hard working investment bankers.

Susan Cheever:  Eeep!  Eeeep!  Brururururururur chrrrrrrrrrrrr POP!  

NYT Editor: That's right.  I want the op-ed to reflect -

Susan Cheever: Icky icky icky!

NYT Editor: Exactly, thank the vast right wing conspiracy called the silent majority for allowing us the entrance into this most devious of plots.  Also, don't forget to shit upon Jesus.  All praise Allah!

Susan Cheever: ping ping ping zip Allah!

NYT Editor:  I know.  I can't wait until the US finds it's true place in the world as an Islamic dictatorship under Pervez Al'Raish Ibn Hussein Ibn Barack Ibn Obama Bin Ibn Ibn

Susan Cheever: eckeckeckeck prrrrrrrrrrrrip!

NYT Editor: Good job, Susan.  Keep the elite in check.  Keep the masses subjugated.  I promise you this.  The Gulf of Mexico will be your private Caliphate.

Wiretap Engineer: Bye!

NYT Editor:  Bye!... Wait, did you just say "bye"?  Fuck!  Abort!  They're on to -----

Yep. She's a dolphin...  Susan Cheever in her one "woman" effort to end drunken revelry, which by the way infuses much needed capital into the world economy and much needed cirrhosis into my liver, is conspiring with the management of the New York Times to overthrow that most American of ideals:  Getting shitcanned and telling everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, exactly "what you think".

Screw you, Cheever and the buoy you swam in on.

(By the way - in retrospect, saying "bye" while illegally wiretapping someone probably wasn't in my best interests...)