One Down, 20 Some Odd Species To Go...

So all you Voyage of the Mimi slash Jessica Alba in Good Luck Chuck fans: Avert your eyes. This is gonna get ugly.

I'm so freaking happy! According to multiple sources, the Chinese River Dolphin is functionally extinct. Now let's get rid of that functionally part and really kill 'em off. I'm booked on the 7:15 flight to Beijing (or Peking as I prefer, being a 19th Century English Baron stuck in the 21st Century due to a wormhole or something HG Wells made and left in the foyer of my Knightsbridge townhouse) tonight. My carry-on consists of the following:

Duct Tape
Cheddar Goldfish
A bottle of Dasani
A spear
A long hook with a rope
Binoculars
3G iPhone
Two pairs of socks
Oh yeah - and 3 freaking pounds of C4

So I's a goins huntin dolphin, I is. I don't really know any Mandarin, but I figure "KILL DOLPHIN" is probably internationally known and the Chinese, ahem, don't really care about the environment. Which means - epiphany - capture dolphins, imprison them in China and air-board them (the Dolphin equivalent of Waterboarding). Basically, all I have to do is convince Communist China that Dolphins are both Pro-Tibet Independence and recognize Taiwan (or Formosa as I prefer, being a 19th Century English Baron stuck in the 21st Century due to a wormhole or something HG Wells made and left in the foyer of my Knightsbridge townhouse) as the one true China.

That will teach those smug bastards, with their vestigial rear legs.