Revelations of 1992

Ah the halcyon days of yore - the Early 1990s. Animatronic turtle movies were the sole propaganda mouthpiece of the US government. War raged in Iraq. I felt new strange feelings in places I hadn't before. And awesome of awesome - I had a Sega Genesis.

Playing Genesis was like seeing God for the first time, if God were a werewolf that when you double tapped forward God would blur and sort of bust through enemies. I also enjoyed Sonic the Hedgehog and even better, Sonic 2. Wasn't Tails just the cutest lil' pixelated creature you ever done seen?

But far and away my favorite game was Ecco the Dolphin. Basically, I'd turn on the console, let the game load up and start a new game. It was so much fun, taking Ecco to the bottom of the ocean on the very first level and watching his air supply bar dwindle to nothing. Then he'd die. Oh how I would spend countless afternoons just sinking the electronic dolphin* to the bottom of the sea, killing him and then resetting the game and starting anew. Over and over and over again. What Joy, Thou Genesis! Truly, what Joy!





*On a related note, henceforth masturbation or any sexual act for that matter will be referred to, in perpetuity, as "sinking the electronic dolphin". I got a magazine under my bed that I think I'm going to aid my sinking the electronic dolphin right now....