An environmentally hippie-dippie co-worker told me that whenever she walks along a beach, she picks up transparent plastic garbage under the auspices of saving the fucking dolphins because it does something bad to them that I would love to imagine. With that in mind, I'm taking the LIRR to Long Beach with a back pack full of Glad Brand Sandwich Bags, those McDonald's two-beverage holder bags and 3,000 bendy straws. The reasoning? Straws in particular are supposed to (according to the interwebs, which never lies) get lodged in the dolphin blowhole thus suffocating them. You ever see that happen with gills? Hells no, bitch. Because fish got it made. They're supposed to be underwater because, THEY CAN BREATH UNDERWATER. Idiotic dolphins due to their evolutionary backtracking have to surface to breath our precious O2 and in the process often get things stuck in their air slot. Just think of this for your next SAT:
Dolphin : Bendy Straw :: Richard Gere : ?
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