I knew it. It was only a matter of time before they struck again... Apparently last night, some dolphin terrorists sabotaged the Lear Jet (I fly Gulfstream, myself) that was set to take former Blink-176 accordionist Travis Barker and iPod press-player DJ AM from SC to CA. The plane skid across the runway, through a fence, across a road, stopped at a Wendy's drive-in then hit an embankment. Columbia, SC authorities said that they had seen "long trails of water, discarded crab carcasses and a Flipper DVD" in the hangar that had stored the plane.
My take on it: Jealous of the success of 1999's "Enema of the State" and the fact that Nicole Richie's vagina is looser than a blowhole, dolphin terrorists spiked the JP-5 with sea water (and judging by the severity of the fire, I'd say they obtained the water from the Persian Gulf - I mean that's basically 94% kerosene anyway) and the engines flamed out, causing a catastrophic occurrence of "gravity + flammable liquid".
Oh - and for those of you tsk-tsking "this is in such bad taste", may I add perspective:
Two rich people flying in a multimillion dollar private greenhouse gas machine are burned.
40+ people died when a car bomb exploded outside the Islamabad Marriot. 40 working people who are not in possession of an aircraft that even leased runs roughly $1,000 per hour MORE than the GDP per Capita of Pakistan ($2,600).
So there.
Princess Di - Rich, killed extravagantly by Dolphins.
JFK Jr. - Rich, killed spectacularly by Dolphins.
Rainer Wolfcastle - Rich, fictional animated character.
If the dolphins keep killing rich people, I might have to change the name of this website.
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