Ugh. Evolution is an Unstoppable Mistress

And like most mistresses, she's a cheating whore. Evolution is the kind of slut that will kick you out of her apartment to hook up with someone else or in this case, the kind of slut who will isolate one dolphin population from another to ensure the propagation of the species. Thus the origins of the Bolivian River Dolphin.

From no less a source than the National Geographic, a bunch of pussies:

"Bolivian dolphins are totally different molecularly from other dolphins," Ruiz-Garcia said. "After being split up, they accumulated mutations and formed a new species."
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/08/080820-new-dolphin.html

Great. Mutations. There was this stellar series of exposes called "The X-Men" at the cinema that documented these "mutants" within human society and they all had fucking craziness going down. Like one guy, I think his name was "Fire Eyes" shoots fucking fire from his fucking eyes. Another guy, "Pointy Hands" had knives come out of his arms and he cut through people. If human mutation is any indication, that means pretty soon we'll have Bolivian River Dolphins capable of turning people gay, or being black with white hair. Maybe this explains Michael Phelps... 6'4", disproportionately short legs, ADHD... Yep - Phelps is a mutant.

Back to task - way too many non-sequiturs in this blog. Not this post in particular, but in general.

Back to task - I write way too many non-sequiturs in this blog. Not just in this post but basically throughout.

OK - on to the subject. I really have to get away from writing all these off track tangents. Not in this post only, but really the whole freaking blog.

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ctrl+alt+del

Enemies of Humanity, Part III: Michael Phelps

Now you're asking (or if in the South, axing) yourself "what can this guy possibly have against Michael Phelps? He's untouchable right now - 8 gold medals, great smile, best athlete of maybe ever? How can he really classify him as an enemy to humanity?"

Well I'll tell you why - by being such a great swimmer he's drawing undue attention to dolphins (and other crappy aquatic creatures). Observe:

So Mr. Phelps, while I admire you and must say your 7th Medal Race was one of the most exciting sporting events I've ever seen, I am very very happy that your portion of the olympics has ended. This way your freakish nature underwater will no longer be compared to dolphins, thus shedding further misguided light on their plight.

That was a good rhyme. Maybe I should be a rapper. Rap about dolphins with the same level of disrespect that say NWA rapped about the 5.0/police/fuzz/black and white/boys in blue/LA's finest, etc. Oh maybe a dolphin related poet.

Daylight
Shipborne motions as the sun crests the horizon
Ready at the grasp, the weighty spear
Dolphin blood flows
Across my hands and onto the deck.
Daylight.

YEAH - Take that shit, ee "i cant fucking capitalize" cummings. What a douche. I always wished ee cummings would get in a fight with TS Eliot. Eliot would fuck that schmuck's shit up, hardcore.

Brett Favre is a tool.